There was a time in my life when would people ask me how I was doing and the word “stressed” was almost always included in my response.
Whether it was at a working lunch with colleagues or attending a baby shower on the weekend, it was pretty much guaranteed I would communicate that I was busy and important enough to be stressed to anyone who asked.
I have met many women, including some of my coaching clients, who have spent years subscribing to the false reality that being stressed out meant you were a productive contributor in the workplace or at home. If you weren’t booked with a full calendar, checking email on your crackberry or visibly sleep deprived (don’t get me started on the glorification of caffeine that has stemmed from this), then you weren’t part of the elite club of people who were sacrificing their health and happiness to be seen as hardworking by being stretched thin.
Total. Bullish*t.
The word “stress" comes from the old latin term to draw tight. When I read that, I picture a piece of string being pulled so tight that smaller fragments start to snap and fray away from the center point. That string is your mind and body, and it’s not worth coming apart for the sake of looking important.
The reality is, most people are consistently stressed out. It has become a default state for humans.
But our bodies aren’t meant to experience stress very often.
Stress is a method your body uses to keep you alive. When you are stressed, you body goes into fight or flight mode. Your breathing becomes rapid and shallow, your heart-rate quickens and your body releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol so you can get away from the incoming sabertooth tiger as fast as possible.
But our brains cannot tell the difference between a tiger attack and an email from our boss.
So, when you are constantly putting your body into a state of stress, it goes into shut down mode.
- You don’t digest food properly
- You build up and store more body fat
- Blood flow moves away from your organs, weakening the immune system
- Your sex drive decreases
- Your muscles tighten, leading to pain like headaches and back pain.
- You suffer from insomnia and depression because your hormones aren’t able to come back into a relaxed, resting state
There are dozens and dozens of ways stress can affect the body.
I don’t know about you, but nothing on that lists seems like it’s worth the positive perception of other stressed out people. Not when you're broken out in acne, gassy and bloated, in pain, and addicted to caffeine.
So, as much as stress can feel like an affirmation of hard work and productivity, I invite you to instead take a look at how you’d like to feel when you finish a day of work.
Is it Calm? Excited? Complete? Joyous? Fulfilled? Enlivened? Peaceful? Empowered? Bursting?
When I finish a day of work, I want to feel content and invigorated. So that is what I put my intention on when things start to feel a little overwhelming and I find myself defaulting into stress. I do a quick check-in with my body, take some long deep breaths to get her back into a relaxed state, and proceed with a goal of feeling amazing as opposed to stressed.
Now I want to hear from you. Can you resonate with this idea of wearing stress as a badge of honor? How do you want to feel instead?
Huh. This is so on point. I need to work on this so badly because I notice that when I have “nothing to do”, I feel awkward and confused instead of excited to do whatever I want to do. It’s so true that we embrace stress as a society instead of working towards expelling it. I particularly notice this with people on the cusp of retirement who say “I just don’t know what I’d do without work, with all that time of nothing”. It’s like we’re incapable of saying “I can play some golf, pick up a new hobby, sit, breathe, read, maybe write a book or learn how to make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich”. I see this entering our souls. I hear some of the people at the assisted living facility say things like “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing” and I get the sense that they worked for so long and were so busy for so long that it creates fear in them to not be in that state. It feels abnormal and wrong and fearful. Be the change Becca! It’s inspiring and thought provoking.
Beautiful and poignant point about retirement and the elderly, Kate. And in my corporate job, so many people would say “just get me to retirement” to justify their stress and hard work. What is it all for if not to enjoy this life now?
I can totally relate to this. I’m a work outside the home mama and I am always talking about how stressed I am. I don’t think multitasking and/or having a jam-packed schedule all the time is something to necessarily be proud of. I’d like to feel more calm and grounded and balanced. And of course, more rested as well. I could probably taper off my BP and anxiety meds if I actually took the time to take care of myself, do yoga, and find that balance.
Yes, yes, yes! I couldn’t agree more. 🙂