Back when I was working my corporate job, I had this image on the desktop of my work computer. It was an Anthony Burrill print that said “Work Hard and Be Nice to People.”
I displayed it proudly, feeling like it made a statement about who I was (or wanted to be). Humble, driven, people-pleasing, kind, focused. And while this phrase still very much resonates with and motivates me, it’s my definition of work that’s shifted from then to now.
What does the word “work” even mean?
I have found that the definition changes from person to person, making this is a favorite dinner party topic of mine.
I have found that the look of and feelings around “work” are programmed into our brains in our early years.
It’s how we saw our parents define in it. It’s how our teachers rewarded it. It’s how we saw the world and how it worked. Essentially, we all adapt to our definitions of work as a way to feel like we belong - in our community, in our family, in the world.
My work story is a complex one. I grew up in a household where both parents had graduate degrees and worked in high level government and corporate jobs. Belonging in my family meant excelling academically and working in a large organization. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just how I was initially programmed to view "work" and "success". So, when I got my high-level manager position at my corporate job, I felt a familiar sense of relief flood my body. I had made it. I belonged in my community. I had succeeded. But, if you know my story, you know that life was’t the right fit for me and I’ve been spending the last several years un-learning all of these mindsets and behaviors I took on to find my own sense of personal freedom and contentment in this world.
I was the girl who glorified the term busy. Busy meant important. Busy meant full. Busy meant belonging. But busy was hurting my body, my connection with my loved ones, and my access to my intuition.
Busy had to go.
And, even with all of my progress, I find this concept of hard work still comes up for me now and then. Now that I’m my own boss, I’ve found myself facing a new work story. The work-so-hard-it-hurts entrepreneurial mentality I see permeating start-up culture doesn’t motivate me. It freaks me out and gives me the feeling that I'm at risk being kicked out of the pack if I don’t fall in line and do something that doesn't come naturally to me.
So I don't. I have been coming up with my own feminine prescription for hustle and flow.
How do we untangle from this concept of work being hard, a struggle, and exhausting? Here are some of my methods:
1. Embrace the natural ebb and flow of the human body. Some days I am really tired, so I go light on work and take a nap. On the days I am super productive, I lean on that energy and get better work done in less time. I take breaks. I make sure to eat and nourish myself. I get outside. I write Tim love texts. And when genius strikes, I always have a pen and journal on me to capture the brilliance.
2. When you feel the perfectionist side start to bubble up (or the pressure to push on when it's clearly quitting time), ask yourself “whose approval am I seeking?” because only YOU are your own approver.
3. Take a few minutes to go back in time and write out your “work story” How did your parents or community around you define work for you? How is it showing up in your life today? Just the act of writing it out helps to release the parts that are holding you back. I have found it to be really powerful for me.
5. Take action. Pledge to do one thing differently with your work. Put on the self control app and [email protected] to block out social media and get more productive. Schedule in a nap or go for a walk outside when you hit your afternoon slump and are usually reaching for the iced coffee and cookie. Treat yourself to a bubble bath after you tackle that tough item on your to-do list you were avoiding. By taking action, you are helping to rewrite that programming in your brain.
This delicious beverage is inspired by Tim's favorite drink from our neighborhood juice shop. If he could drink 3 of these daily, he would. So after a good study of the ingredients, I decided to make it on my own. It tastes like chocolate milk, but is dairy and sugar free and has enlivening maca powder. I'm a big fan of maca. It's great for balancing hormones, regulating energy, clearing up skin, and boosting libido (woo!). This is a yummy yummy treat.
Energizing Cacao Almond Milk
- 3 c. homemade almond milk (here's a tutorial)
- 1 tsp. maca powder (like this)
- 2 tsp raw cacao powder (like this)
- 3 organic medjool dates
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
Place all the ingredients in a high speed blender and blend for 10-15 seconds until fully combined and frothy. Serve up and enjoy!
Join our community of curiousand brave-hearted women and femmes + weekly-ish wisdom to your inbox
Say yes, even if you're worried you won't fit in. I'll send you weekly-ish emails about our longing to belong, living with the seasons, and connecting with ancestors to enjoy with your morning warm beverage.