Back when I was working my corporate job, I had this image on the desktop of my work computer. It was an Anthony Burrill print that said “Work Hard and Be Nice to People.”
I displayed it proudly, feeling like it made a statement about who I was (or wanted to be). Humble, driven, people-pleasing, kind, focused. And while this phrase still very much resonates with and motivates me, it’s my definition of work that’s shifted from then to now.
Work Hard
What does the word “work” even mean?
I have found that the definition changes from person to person, making this is a favorite dinner party topic of mine.
I have found that the look of and feelings around “work” are programmed into our brains in our early years.
It’s how we saw our parents define in it. It’s how our teachers rewarded it. It’s how we saw the world and how it worked. Essentially, we all adapt to our definitions of work as a way to feel like we belong - in our community, in our family, in the world.
My work story is a complex one. I grew up in a household where both parents had graduate degrees and worked in high level government and corporate jobs. Belonging in my family meant excelling academically and working in a large organization. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just how I was initially programmed to view "work" and "success". So, when I got my high-level manager position at my corporate job, I felt a familiar sense of relief flood my body. I had made it. I belonged in my community. I had succeeded. But, if you know my story, you know that life was’t the right fit for me and I’ve been spending the last several years un-learning all of these mindsets and behaviors I took on to find my own sense of personal freedom and contentment in this world.
I was the girl who glorified the term busy. Busy meant important. Busy meant full. Busy meant belonging. But busy was hurting my body, my connection with my loved ones, and my access to my intuition.
Busy had to go.
And, even with all of my progress, I find this concept of hard work still comes up for me now and then. Now that I’m my own boss, I’ve found myself facing a new work story. The work-so-hard-it-hurts entrepreneurial mentality I see permeating start-up culture doesn’t motivate me. It freaks me out and gives me the feeling that I'm at risk being kicked out of the pack if I don’t fall in line and do something that doesn't come naturally to me.
So I don't. I have been coming up with my own feminine prescription for hustle and flow.
How do we untangle from this concept of work being hard, a struggle, and exhausting? Here are some of my methods:
1. Embrace the natural ebb and flow of the human body. Some days I am really tired, so I go light on work and take a nap. On the days I am super productive, I lean on that energy and get better work done in less time. I take breaks. I make sure to eat and nourish myself. I get outside. I write Tim love texts. And when genius strikes, I always have a pen and journal on me to capture the brilliance.
2. When you feel the perfectionist side start to bubble up (or the pressure to push on when it's clearly quitting time), ask yourself “whose approval am I seeking?” because only YOU are your own approver.
3. Take a few minutes to go back in time and write out your “work story” How did your parents or community around you define work for you? How is it showing up in your life today? Just the act of writing it out helps to release the parts that are holding you back. I have found it to be really powerful for me.
5. Take action. Pledge to do one thing differently with your work. Put on the self control app and [email protected] to block out social media and get more productive. Schedule in a nap or go for a walk outside when you hit your afternoon slump and are usually reaching for the iced coffee and cookie. Treat yourself to a bubble bath after you tackle that tough item on your to-do list you were avoiding. By taking action, you are helping to rewrite that programming in your brain.
This delicious beverage is inspired by Tim's favorite drink from our neighborhood juice shop. If he could drink 3 of these daily, he would. So after a good study of the ingredients, I decided to make it on my own. It tastes like chocolate milk, but is dairy and sugar free and has enlivening maca powder. I'm a big fan of maca. It's great for balancing hormones, regulating energy, clearing up skin, and boosting libido (woo!). This is a yummy yummy treat.
Energizing Cacao Almond Milk
- 3 c. homemade almond milk (here's a tutorial)
- 1 tsp. maca powder (like this)
- 2 tsp raw cacao powder (like this)
- 3 organic medjool dates
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
Place all the ingredients in a high speed blender and blend for 10-15 seconds until fully combined and frothy. Serve up and enjoy!
Becca, this post totally resonates with me! I have parents + 2 older brothers who were always high-achieving, in school and in life. And I feel like I was groomed to be the same way – fancy college, fancy job, all that. And it gave a certain amount of satisfaction, to work hard and to be good at things. But then I had my management consulting job and I was exhausted and stressed and I just had to ask…what is the point of all this? Who am I trying to impress? What is meaningful to me in life and what would I do if I could actually do whatever I wanted and being “impressive” didn’t matter?
And wow, it was a tough transition. I shaved my head, I quit my job, I did a total 180 :). But it’s been so fun to watch you in your own journey – I wish I was in CA (I’m in NYC!) and could come to your creative day retreat!
Ohh Katie, you are speaking to my heart sister. And I so love that last question, “What would I do if being impressive didn’t matter?” Powerful powerful stuff that more woman need to be asking themselves, eh?
Thanks for your comment. I’m rooting for you!
I really enjoyed reading your “story”. I too came from the corporate world and can relate to the idea of big salary equals usefulness. I have been out of that for a few years now and I really struggle with feeling useful and feeling like I contribute when I do not make much money any longer. The tough thing is when someone introduces themselves and asks, “What do you do for a living?’ I believe many of us get our identities from our jobs. No job, or many little jobs, makes it difficult to have that identity. I have done many different types of work and I truly enjoy trying new things. I would be happy if it was acceptable to change jobs every couple of years! I have been in sales, tax return preparation, real estate, GED instruction, jack of all trades and ……
When I am honest with myself, I am much more in touch with myself and my family, now that I am not part of a workplace. I am more calm and creative. I am more aware of the people around me and how I can have a positive impact on them. I can take time to be more aware of the wonders of God and how He impacts my life and in turn how I can be a better person for those around me – family and strangers. Now if I could just figure out how to pay all those bills! LOL.
Thank you for your thoughts as they made me stop and think and appreciate.
Dawn
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts, Dawn! It’s funny, I was having dinner with some girlfriends tonight (who all have very different jobs, relationships, incomes and lifestyles) and we all agreed that we are tired of having to answer “what do you do?” when first meeting someone. There is so much more to our existence than that, you know?
Katie, what an amazing statement you made….both thru your words and actions. What an inspiration you are to those around you. Becca, ecaxtly…..so what did your friends xome up with as a response to, “nice to met you. What do you do for a living?” I usually have to respond with, “Well, what day is it….?”
We agreed that we usually tell them briefly what we do and try to move the conversation to more brain and heart tickling levels. 😉